Never had a dream come true.....

2011-08-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah been a long time just here to type some words or sentences i guess. Don't know if anyone is gonna see this anyways. Been a long time. Previous post were bout you hah what's the point of bringing something up when its been in the past? Ain't we all the same? What's the difference between us? Why don't you tell me?

3/5/11 10:15PM

2011-05-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

It hurts. It hurts a lot..
Yeah i know its my fault..
Changed blog not gonna come here again..
If only a car knocked me down just now..

2/5/11 3:03PM

2011-05-02T00:02:00.001-07:00

Yeah.. Maybe you're right. I'm just ruining everything.. Yeah you are right I'm just stupid..

30/4/11 10:03AM

2011-04-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

Falling sick.. Still wished you were here..

Hey people (:

Didn't blog yesterday so gonna blog today yeah kinda early to be blogging but who cares.. Had ss and English paper English paper 1 and 2 totally rocks :D but for Chinese.. Went totally downhill.. Totally screwed up ss paper.. the chapter that wasn't taught came out D:< then had tuition yesterday so don't wanna go again ): teacher kept picking on me D: cause the others wasn't listening.. so practically rotted during tuition.. Then made the wrong move of messaging you.. *slaps own self* maybe I am an idiot.. Then you message me in the morning thought what happen kinda happy :D but then u ask what i wanna talk to u about.. Then the mood also *phew* go down.. Sigh can't do anything bout it also.. Just got to wait for What you wanna say after my mye..

You know why i misunderstood you? when you were talking to elgin? Remember what you said the time after our first paper? i thought you were saying about that.. That's why i burst out at you.. And i did not burst at HER.. After i said 'its your choice' she slammed on the locker saying you won't be a lamp post.. and then continued slamming.. and if i had like help you in the way like talking to you and walking away with you when you were sort of like a lamp post how will she think? Won't it feel like I'm taking you away? leaving her only with him? And don't freaking drag my parents or brother into this picture.. i never said anything bout your parents neither did i say anything bout HER parents so keep off the family area.. and yeah i think my life sucks.. Different people have a different thinking on how their own life sucks.. its like i think your life and HER life don't suck but you may think otherwise and have a whole list to complain about right? Yeah but maybe your right.. i do screw up every single time i say or do something.. and yeah maybe you don't know what kind of guy I'm hurting myself for in the first place..

Wish you were here - Avril Lavinge

26/4/11 5:33PM

2011-04-26T02:28:00.000-07:00

You said you wanted to drop a bomb on me after my mye and after mye is our 3rd month.. surely you aren't gonna drop me any bombs on the 14th right?

Hey people (:
Today was so-so.. A bit emo-ing kept having chest pains, maybe cause of gastric and stuff ._. idk.. Then you sms-ed me.. Ask bout exam dates.. don't tell me you're gonna bomb me straight after mye ): Then had oral today.. :/ Think i flunk it so badly.. Kept on er-ing during oral.. Then thursday is english and chinese paper one ler.. Freak sia.. so wish you were here.. Sigh this sucks..

25/4/11 7:24PM

2011-04-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

Feelin' super tired today.. Maybe I'm taking things way too hard

Hey people..
Yeah today was so-so ba.. Had like 3 free periods cause teacher wasn't here.. Free period may sound like a good thing for Some people.. Kinda rotted the whole time.. Ok you can say I'm emo-ing or whatsoever.. I'm just tired today.. More tired then usual.. Don't know why.. Maybe cause I'm thinking of what you both are gonna say after mye.. Yep another bomb.. Just woke up.. So tired.. Wanted to go run again but didn't want to go alone so went to sleep instead of running.. Mye is here in 2 more days and orals tomorrow.. Fucking stressed.. Ok i freaking need you here again.. ): My way of SOS call for help.. :P Yeah whatever.. I miss you like crazy.. Maybe after mye you wont even be here.. You're in a new school.. New friends.. New school.. New environment.. Maybe a new girlfriend.. Yeah I'm letting my mind run wild again.. And not gonna comment bout stuff.. as usual.. And on a side note : if i turn les its your fault.
Its a quater after one im all alone and i need you now. said i wouldn't call but i lost all control and i need you now..
need you now by lady antebellum/ glee cast

18/4/11 8:38PM

2011-04-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

Don't wanna put up a mask anymore.. I'm tired of it.. Hey people.. Today was horrible with a capital H. Got back A.math and chem results.. as usual i guess fail but did a little better for A.math.. Than chem is really fail.. Think i got lowest.. Ah FML la.. Then had lunch.. Saw Nigel.. That idiot now taller then me :/ Ok he always had been taller than me.. Kinda cheer me up for that little while.. Then everything went downhill i guess.. still thinking of you ._. sometimes i wonder.. Do you think of me as much as i do? Do you love me as much as i do? yea maybe you do.. but once in a while just show that you care or like.. I don't know.. Tell me you love me at least like.. On our first or second month or something.. Its the least you can do at least.. I mean you're only 2 years older then me.. Not much difference right? Sigh.. Alright.. maybe I'm asking too much.. People say to love and respect each other when your in love. But where has care and understanding gone to? What are words- Chris Medina

16/4/11 11:31PM

2011-04-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

swallowed by the fear of losing you again.. hey people today was so-so ba.. had quite a lot of fun during gb.. had party for sec 4s and stuff.. then sort of slept the whole day.. woke up kinda wished there was a message from you than i would wake up and talk to you but nope 3 times and there was nothing so just forced myself out of bed, had dinner.. roller blade and then your smsed! :D super happy.. than after that talk to u a while ler then happy feeling was deflated by you.. than practically spent the rest of the evening reading and wishing and hoping and praying you would talk to me. yeah call me obsessed with you but it kinda hurts.. kinda felt like crying for the rest of the day i guess .___. than talked to her for a while felt a bit better.. so this was how i spent my day ._____. thinking of you.. i just wished you could be here.. i mean telling you imy and ily just means i wanna talk to you and not to the wall.. and your :/, lol, orh and dk replies are like really killing me.. even a simple ily would make me happy on our 2nd.. but ta-da nothing. not even a pathetic ily or whatsoever. nothing. should i just stop expecting something to happen next month? or should i have just went to your house and nothing like this would have happened? secrets by one republic

14/4/11 7:28PM

2011-04-14T04:18:00.000-07:00

fuck this day to the max. someone scold the hell out of me please. i feel like such an idiot.

hey people..
today again was horrible and it can might as well sit side by side with the one of the worse day of my life which was first month second month could go sit beside it. had amath test too.. think I'm gonna fail anyway.. i feel like such a kid when talking to you even.. i think bout what to write what to say and how to act.. I'm being so conscious of what i say or do.. i feel like im going crazy soon.. add on the stress from school work.. i think after mye i'll go crazy..

13/4/11 8:12PM

2011-04-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow. Is. The. Day. Sigh. Hope tomorrow goes well. Give me the strength please. Cause I'm feeling empty right now. As though something is missing from my heart.

12/4/11 8:26PM

2011-04-12T05:14:00.000-07:00

feeling lost.. hey people.. today again was so-so ba.. had 2.4.. dying from tiredness.. didnt go thr again.. reason? too tired.. feel like some idiot.. maybe I'm expecting too much.. hoping that something might actually happen.. shouldn't have pinned my hopes up too high.. shouldn't be so hesitant next time.. just gonna let everything slip out of my hands.. dreamt of you again.. was a really really super sweet dream.. but you ain't gonna do what happened in the dream.. *laughs* maybe it really might not.. too sweet for u to be able to do.. not gonna go for tuition.. freaking tired.. sigh.. soo freaking tired.. maybe i should also stop sending and telling you that i miss so much I'm going crazy.. maybe i should stop sending ily and just get lol back as replies.. omg todays mood swing is getting worse than yesterday.. the lasat thing i wanna have is just a small hug from you sigh.. maybe i was this useless in the first place.. my heart aches like crazy.. your pulling at my heart strings..

11/4/11 7:35PM

2011-04-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

I feel so useless.. hey people.. today was horrile.. not gonna bother dealing with the caps and words.. had class as usual.. jy didnt come today so everything was a little.. well off balanced ba.. i feel so dumb.. i dun even freaking dare leave the house to meet my own boyf.. feel so pathetic as your girlf.. ok maybe this week is horrible, the day sucks, horrible day of monday blues.. and i miss you like hell. which doesnt help at all.. not. at. all. maybe i should have just said yea and left the house when i changed.. guess i hesitated too much.. always too much.. so when thurs comes.. when our second month comes.. will it be the same? i hope not.. i dun wan it to happen again.. i hate curling up in bed again.. feeling sorry for myself.. scolding and cursing myself.. keep hearing these voices in my head.. cant get rid of them.. maybe its time i did smth.. I feel like such a horrible girlf.. not fit for that title.. this post is gonna be a short and sad one. hey monday - candles.

6/4/11 9:46PM

2011-04-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

Live like we're dying. Though we're empty. Hey people.. Today was so-so ba.. A bit mood swing-y. First time hamster shout at me.. Not really good mood for the rest of the day.. Then went to nex to do some gb stuff.. Ate mushroom egg and cheese crepe for lunch.. Very nice but still hungry after that, walked around and stuff. Came back home jiu bathe and sleep. Sigh.. than tried doing art mye and stuff, nothing much, didn't get much done either way, couldn't concentrate, with you on my mind.. 14 april.. 14 april.. 14 april.. its just.. 8 more days.. call me dumb but I'm still looking forward to it.. Don't know what to do. I miss you loads.. call me dumb, call me stupid but i still like you..

4/4/11 10:40PM

2011-04-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

roller coaster ride of emotions.. ): Hey ppl (: Today was so-so beside hist =.=.. Teacher ranted at us like there's no tomorrow. :/ Sian sia.. Than got back E.math results too I PASSED :D muhahahaha xD So happy. Though i lost to h2 by one pathetic mark =.=" Okiie short post i guess. Oh also got the themes that we can choose for our MYE art :/ stress stress x_x Though we've got like 2 weeks extra but still can feel the stress. ): Okiie nothing else to write ler. Nights~ (: Punched the walls till my hands hurts, skipped till my feet burned.

30/3/11 7:53PM

2011-03-30T04:32:00.001-07:00

Escape to a world where no one else belongs. Starting all over again. Hey ppl. Mood swing-y again. Feels like there's a hand on my throat now. Something strangling me. hm i don't know. Very tired today ._. Gek ting's birthday today (: happy birthday x3 Had lunch with jh. Wanted to go nex library de but never next time ba ._. Don't know why I'm writing today but wells whatever ba ._. Got test tomorrow. Math. Sian. No I'm not 'pretending' to be emo. I wasn't trying to ruin anything by 'acting' emo. I wasn't trying to ruin anything in the first place. I never planned to ruin any one's big day. I never said that your the bad ones one in the first place. Never change for 3 years? So i should plaster a smile on my face? Don't tell me you don't mood swing at all? I mean yes I'm trying already. Yes i have been saying this. But I'm trying to keep my mood swings under control already. Anything else? The emo-ing part? Yeah its the top ten in my list to get it out of me already. What else can i do?

29/3/11 7:39PM

2011-03-29T04:08:00.001-07:00

Don't say you love me unless you mean it. i might do something stupid like believe it. Hey peeps (: Today's Cheryl hay's birthday. So happy birthday Cheryl (: ok than had ss test today. Hope I'm not gonna fail. Got study de lehh. Damn sian. Don't know why today so mood swing-y. Its not that i hate you or whatsoever. Its just that i don't know why i can't stand being around you too much feels uncomfortable.. Hm. Dear stalking me ._. Pian wo say u don't know my blog. :P hi Mr stalker x3 Haha. later got tuition.. sian.. i miss you loads :P lols ok random. Sigh. Yeah today's post is pretty short. Nothing much to write anyways, gonna sleep soon. Sian. Hope can pass. Sigh. Why wont you be my blue sky, so i could be your sun shine. So you could be my horizon, I'll come to you every night. You could be my moonlight, so i could be you night sky. My life would be so dark without you. (:

24/3/11 6.46PM

2011-03-24T03:21:00.000-07:00

whether or not its your fault its just fate. isn't it? depressed.. i miss you D':

Hey peeps,
Today was fine, didn't do pe due to my back. AGAIN. So sian, wanted to run and stuff. Napfa also coming soon :/ hope can pass ): than had photo taking today for cca.. had to run home to take socks for dawn. oh the irony when i said i couldnt run. Now my back hurts like hell, even when im sitting here just typing, not moving. -_- Ok than after photo taking, teachers talked to us about our nyaa. ARGH i dun wanna do it. -_- So freaking take up time. Especially when got so much homework and stuff. Going crazy, well in the process of it i guess. Now adays also spending a lot of time with hammie instead of clique, i mean during math, eng and stuff, especially after school like yesterday.

another thing i read and liked it as well:

Whether or not you believe in fate, comes down to one thing: Who you blame when something goes wrong. Do you think it's your fault - That if you'd tried better or worked harder. It wouldn't have happened? or do you just chalk it up to circumstances?
I know people who'll hear about the people who died, and will say it was god's will. I know people who'll say it was bad luck. And then there's my personal favourite :
They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Than again, you could say the same thing bout me couldn't you?

-adapted from the book nineteen minutes by jodi picoult

Wow. I really can't believe. That you would want to be like that. telling me happy one month ten days and dropping a bomb on me the next moment. telling me you can't work this out. Is this some kind of sick joke? Letting me fall after telling me you would catch me. And when i fall you never catch me. Never did. i really believed that it was working out, i really did wanted it to go back to what it used to be. AND immediately after that, hamster sms me, wow, he read my messages. the last person whom i tot that will read my messages actually became the first one. Is this some kind of sick joke? I'm tired of this, I'm tired of being treated like a small child. you lied. you always did. Am i right? Or wrong? cy. U. tell me.

22/3/11 4:45PM

2011-03-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

Affection and love, just kills me more each day.

hey peeps,

yeah maybe its been long since i blogged. Don't really have the mood to blog or whatsoever. Holidays just ended, yesterday was the first day of school and it was like super draggy, sigh. a year when your not here sucks. i wonder why, i wonder what made you want to add me on face book in the first place. Cause our parents knew each other? Never mind, played maple for the entire hols, got to know some people online too, REALLY nice people who cared bout me. unlike you. than came along the u wanna break up with me, another yang confessed to me, wow. but rejected. talked to panda, wanted to go back with him but, also rejected the idea. Got tons of stuff to talk about. but when I'm typing everything escapes my mind mid-way.

panda: I'm sorry..

kinda felt something for this when i read it:

By the time you read this, i hope to be dead.
You can't undo something that has happened; You can't take back a word that's already said out loud. You'll think about me and wish that you had been able to talk me out of this. You'll try to figure out what would have been the one right thing to say, to do. Y guess i should tell you, Don't blame yourself, this isn't your fault, but that would be a lie we both know that i didn't get here by myself.
You'll cry at my funeral. You'll say it didn't have to be this way. You will act like everyone expects you to. But will you miss me?
More importantly - will i miss you?
Does either one of us really want to hear the answer to that question?

2011-03-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

Disappointment once again.. Sigh what did i do..

hey people..
well today was horrible.. one month anniversary just went up in smoke.. Sigh.. what a lonely one month anniversary.. practically rotted at home for the whole day, sleep and sleep and sleep.. back pain until i couldn't walk.. thought bout him for t he whole day sent him a message telling him happy one month, and all i got was just a :/ wow.. what did i do? people say don't change for a guy and yet I'm doing that call me dumb but I'm crazy in love with the same guy who broke my heart 3 times, who cheated on me, who flirts around with other girls and i got nothing left to say but I'm still crazy in love with him. Even panda tells me not to change for a guy but change the guy if he doesn't treasure you.. i really don't know what to do.. leave him or love him? had drill com on sat got bronze at least not cop, kinda wished you were there.. but well sms-ed you and all i got was nothing. today one month anniversary also nothing, just a simple ily would have made my day but nothing, zero messages.

-you
baby i know u wont be seeing this or idk u might.. sigh.. tell me must we really break? i really don't wanna.. what did i do? stop telling me idk or dno or whatever. just give me a reason and tell me. even a simple ily on our one month anniversary would be good enough. i know I'm younger than you but that doesn't mean i can be played with, or thrown away whenever or however you like, I'm human too i got feelings don't tell me when the girl you loves tells you 'oh sorry i got myself another guy' or 'oh your not good enough for me byes~' wont feel like you have been betrayed?

-panda
hoping you would see this.. i wanna tell you stuff again. when you said you cant always pei me cos of your internship i feel like well I'm bothering you. i feel like some spoilt kid that needs someone to be there well i really need someone to be there now.. i don't know but hes driving me crazy, i feel like just jumping off the building or smth idk what to do.

What a lonely one month anniversary..
dying from living..
silence..

2011-02-23T23:32:00.000-08:00

Yeah.
Your not the bitch. I am. I'm the one creating chaos. I'm the reason for our first world war one. I'm the one flirting. I'm the one who changes boyfriend time to time. Yeah your the one perfect. Your the one not flirting. Your the one who can talk to guys. I'm the useless one. I'm the pathetic one. I'm the brainless one. I'm the retarded one. I'm the one who cant think. I'm the one who's crazy. I'm the one who should shut up.
Yeah. Your perfect. You are the opposite from me. Your the best. Your the one people wanna hang out with. We are worlds apart. We don't think alike. We can't talk to each others.
Yeah. I'm the one so fucked up. I'm the one who's so fucking flirting. I'm the fucking one who has to keep my hands off things. I'm the one who shouldn't even belong to this world.
Yeah. I'm talking bout death. Don't go and say what I'm gonna be a burden if i kill myself. i know. I'm useless. I can't do anything right without spoiling anything.